


The Orlesian Rabbit

by LunarKitty



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Post-Trespasser
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-19 23:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10650594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarKitty/pseuds/LunarKitty
Summary: Rin Lavellan was once the most feared blade in the shadow, an assassin so profound that she alone gave the Antivan Crows a run for their money. The name "Orlesian Rabbit" was coined to put a name to an unseen force, a subtle mover and shaker, one that caused nobles all over Thedas to shiver at the mere mention of it. Rin had been silently steering politics for years before the Clan Mother came to her with a task, to spy on the goings-on of Divine Justinia's Conclave. A simple task that Rin accepted without question. Its been years since the events of that fateful day, one that the masses still sing in adoration. Much has transpired since then, countless enemies had fallen and even more allies were made. None left such an impression on her than the Apostate Solas. An impression that would prove a fatal mistake for Rin. After the events of Trespasser, Rin bides her time, dwelling on her final moments with the Dread Wolf. She would have to find him, and find people to aid her in her pursuit of her lover. To save him or put him down, she didn't know. The only sure thing was that he must be found. Solas had taken her heart, her Eluvian, and her left arm. She would not let him take this world.





	1. Mala Suledin Nadas

**Author's Note:**

> The events of trespasser left me salty and impatient for DA4, so heres what I would like to happen to my babies. 
> 
> ~Set Up Chapter~

The cold night air brushed across Rin's delicate features. Smooth, subtle, like a silken cloth. She had taken to sitting atop the battlements when no one was around, just breathing in time with the universe, feeling the pulse of the lives around her. It had been four days since Solas had left her. Four days since she had last felt her left fingers run through the long blades of grass, or felt them at all, really. Four days since she last felt as if she finally began understanding her place in this wide, unforgiving world. She let out a deep sigh as she turned her gaze to the field of stars that gathered above Skyhold. She was The Orlesian Rabbit, the Herald of Andraste, the Maker-damned Inquisitor, and yet, she felt the urge to just slide off the side of the stone seat. To just let herself fall and be overcome by the cold snow below. She was an assassin without an arm. How could she ever be what she once was. What power did she even still have over anything? She couldn't stop Solas, all other achievements paled before the face of her biggest failure, falling in love. What purpose did she have? She had been reduced to a figurehead. A disabled, pitiful figurehead. She never wanted such publicity. She had been infamous from the shadows, and magnanimous in the spotlight. Now? Now she felt nothing, she was nothing. A unfillable hole, not just in her heart, but in the very core of her being. The betrayal of Iron Bull would have been enough to have her bitterly curse the heavens, the lies of Blackwall.. or she guessed it was "Thom" now, but the betrayal of Solas was the final nail in the coffin. The titles, the grandeur, none of it meant anything to her if she wasn't useful. She felt her vision blur, overcome by the weight and reality of it all. She shut her eyes, forcing the tears to fall once and never again.

A gentle hand rested on her shoulder, catching her off guard. Someone snuck up on her, HER. The thought of that alone betrayed her attempts at holding back the streaming tears. Was she truly so useless she couldn't hear footsteps anymore?

"I'm not very good at this whole, how do you say, "Shoulder to cry on" business" He sighed deeply, " but seeing you like this tears me apart." Dorian's sympathy was a foreign concept, and not something Rin was accustomed to seeing. Dorian without sass was the strangest notion here. He took a seat beside her on the battlements but Rin couldn't find it in herself to look at him. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this, let alone anyone from the inner circle. It was the reason she came out here in the middle of the night anyway.

"You should be resting, you have a long trip back to Tevinter tomorrow" Rin said in a hushed tone, rubbing her forearm across her eyes to soak up any lingering tears.

"You believe I could leave my dearest and only friend here in shambles? Perish the thought. Honestly, what are you going to do when I'm gone?" A small smile creeped across his lips as he searched the side of Rin's face. She knew not what he was searching for, but he wouldn't give up until he found it. She felt the eyes graze over where her vallaslin used to reside. If you couldve called it a vallaslin, it was not for honoring any Gods, but to reflect the beauty and strength of the dragons. They brought death much like she did, and looked magnificent while doing so, Solas even took that from her. The eyes traced down her neck and her shoulder until it rested on the stub that used to be her arm. Rin finally turned and met his glance, her eyes bloodshot and weary.

"It is very late-"

Rin's words were stopped in their tracks. Dorian had pulled her into a hug, letting her bury her head in his chest.

"Always quite the stubborn one" He placed his hand on the back of her head, gently running his fingers through her long, thick mass of raven hair. Hair that he had never seen out of it's braided bun, but she had since lost the ability to tie it up herself. Rin couldnt help but feel herself relax, what little strength she had left seemed to be pulled from her by Dorians insistent petting. She was tired, oh Maker was she so tired. All immediate threats had been taken down, Cassandra sat atop the Sunburst throne, and her inner circle was scattering to the winds. She wasn't angry, she was sad that her small family all were moving on to bigger things, but where was she? Still sitting on the battlements. She knew they would be friends for a lifetime, but it didn't make seeing them all leave any easier. What had this inquisition done to her? She felt an overabundance of emotions and feelings now, more than ever. She let them flow, unable to stop them anyway. Dorian didn't mind, or if he did he didn't dare say a word. He just sat there with his arms around her until the tears stopped.

"If I didn't have reason enough to kill Solas, seeing this display just cements it, really."

A small noise came from Rin, one that could easily have been mistaken for a laugh. Dorian always had a way about him that made her feel like she mattered.

"I'm going to miss you, I hope you know that"

"Why wouldn't you? Have you met me?"

This time the noise was easily a laugh. She looked up at him, her glassy blue eyes glittering in the moonlight. He took her head in his hands and planted a large, loud kiss on her head.

"Rin, darling, do try not to forget about the messaging crystal. I demand to be kept up to date. Can't have another war starting while I'm in some Library hole in Tevinter."

"You will be the first person I call, why rally the Inquisition when you can just talk Solas to death"

"You wound me, but youre absolutely right."

"Frequently"

The two of them shared small, dumb smiles before looking back out over the expansive waste in front of them. Tomorrow would surely be a long day

 

****************

 

Sunlight streamed through the mosaic tiled windows. It bathed the bed in a warm hue and slipped itself in between Rin's shut eyelids. She fought the inevitability of waking up, squeezing her eyes shut and turning so she faced away from the ajar balcony. A tiny moan slipped from her lips between her yawns. She deflated further into her pillow. Emotionally drained, but she felt more at ease after spending time with Dorian. He had that affect on her, strangely. Some, if not most people find him so insufferable, where Rin couldn't imagine her life had she not met him in Redcliffe that day. She jolted up in bed frantically, today was the day Dorian and Varric were heading off. She couldn't very well sleep the day away and miss her chance to say goodbye. Messy hair lolling in her face, nightgown sliding down one shoulder, eyes barely able to keep themselves open. It has been a while since she forced herself away so aggressively. Her hand landed on her cheek with a gentle smack as she began to rub her cheek, then her eyes.

"I didn't think the infamous Orlesian Rabbit would look so.. picturesque, no."a thick, unfamiliar Antivan accent spoke from the direction of her balcony. Rin's eyes narrowed at the figure of a man who leaned against her balcony door, the streaming, bright sun had seared her eyes and cloaked much of him in shadow. The man walked forward, closing the gap between himself and her bed. His footsteps were silent, unnoticeable to the untrained ear.

"And to think she was the Inquisitor all this time as well." He lifted up the beaked crow mask that covered his face, resting it atop his head. Blonde locks that could only be compared against the suns rays themselves fluttered down in front of his face "Who would've have thought The Rabbit truly was just that, a little dalish elf, tsk tsk"

Rin was silent, trying to read his intentions as she slowly rose from her bed. Her hand slipped underneath her pillow, drawing forth a dagger. One that she promptly threw at the mysterious man. The blade spun in the air furiously before sticking into the wooden post he had been leaning against. Her bare feet silently hit the wooden floor, taking care in making sure none of her movements could be evaluated and used against her. Sure she wished for death just the night before, but she wouldn't dare give any single assassin that satisfaction.

"Such fire" The man raised an eyebrow in amusement as he let the mask fall in front of his face once more.

"I'm plenty familiar with your kind, Crow" Rin's soft yet dauntless voice caught the man by surprise. "Have they finally put the pieces together? Is that why you're here?" Her steps were calculated, poised, each step meant something. The man had taken a step and seemingly disappeared from sight completely. Rin remained calm and adjusted her footing, making sure it was as sturdy as she could be.

"I am here because of your own actions, am I not? You don't cross the crows and expect to get very far."

"It has been 13 years, I'd say I've gotten pretty far" Rin couldn't hide the growl in her throat. She thought she had taken her life back from the Crows, she thought she had earned her freedom with blood and steel. She thought they would just leave her alone. All those precious wasted resources used to train her, just for her to run away. For her to make a name for herself without a shred of attachment or contribution to the Crows who had stolen her from her clan and raised her into some kind of machine.

"Yet, here we are. It is a shame such a beautiful creature is my charge" a feint whisper brushed against her ear as a strike came from the shadows behind her. Rin re positioned herself, each time dodging and backtracking closer to where her dagger was lodged.

"Hah... the blindless devotion of yet another bird. Glad to see they're really shaking things up over there." Rin took a final flip back and grabbed the hilt of her dagger, pulling it from its wooden sheathe. Just as she did, the man forcefully grabbed her hand and pushed her against the wall. His breathing was steady, quiet. He used his free hand to lightly brush strands of hair behind her ear. "I devote, yes, blindly, never" He gazed intently into her large blue eyes that swirled and roared like the tides of the Storm Coast.  
He used his free hand to pull his mask up once more. Rin's eyes traced the mans face from his eyes that seemed to be made from Amber, to the scarlet whispy markings that danced over his cheekbones. His face drew closer to hers, silently, intimately. Rin, unable to move and unsure what to do. Her wide eyes watched him in suspicious curiosity. Her hinged breath seemed a welcome enough invitation for him to accept, his lips fluttered against hers, slow and soft. The kiss wasn't like the ones from Solas, whose hunger and depravity could be tasted like blood in her mouth. This was different, and she didn't dare waste time trying to place it. She broke her lips from his and kissed up his jawline until she met his ear.

"You forget, we've had the same training" She hissed into his ear accompanied by a small nibble, her warm breath sending a shiver down his spine. With her small window of opportunity she would-

"Inquisitor, are you still sleeping? Dorian and Varric are waiting-" Leliana trailed up the stairs, looking over the banner expected to see a sleeping Rin cuddled up in her blankets as she had so many times before. Instead, she saw a half dressed herald of Andraste pinned against the wall by a familiar face.

"Zevran? What are you doing here? I.... You really need to stop trying to assassinate the women I follow.." Leliana's brows furrowed as Zevran let go of Rin's wrist and backed away from her.

"You.. you're Zevran Arainai? That would explain the bang up job you've done trying to kill me" Rin glared at the elf before her.

"Ah haah, surprise~!" He smiled innocently, "Truthfully, this was all just a big misunderstanding. I came simply to lend my aid, I got Leliana's message and I-, well, walking through the front door would have been far too boring. You understand, yes?"

Rin was silent, angry, but silent. "Just... Leliana, take him downstairs. I need to get changed."

"If you need help I can-" Leliana was cut off by Rin's abrupt outburst.

"Go."

"If you need help, I can-" Zevran spoke up in a cheeky tone, Rin turned around and her glare alone sent the message to him loud and clear. "Later, then." He followed Leliana down the steps, Rin heard them as they went.

The encounter didn't do much good for her creeping anxiety. She couldn't imagine the Crows still perusing her. She had covered her tracks for enough years, she had run and hid for enough years, that was the one plus of continuing the assassin trade, it kept her moving, always. By the time anyone got word she had been somewhere, she had already been long gone. She remained two steps ahead for 13 years. She thought it all had come crashing down before her, she thought this was the end, she thought she would have to actually fight for her life right here in her very own bedroom. Could she even have prevailed? The man- Zevran was undoubtedly skilled, there was no way he wasn't just toying with her. If he wanted her dead just then, was she really in a position to object? If he had truly wished for her death, she would have been dead. She didn't know how to admit to herself that the moment she saw Zevran, she wanted to run away, to flee and hide and start over again. She tucked her thoughts neatly back into the small box in which she kept them, hidden away in the dark recess' of her mind. She turned away from the snowy mountain landscape that greeted her when she looked out her windows. Walking to her clothing drawer, it became painfully obvious how much clothing she had that had buckles and facets that couldnt easily be put on alone. With a resigned sigh, she grabbed what she usually wore. She be damned if the buckles would get the best of her. After dressing and managing to stuggle with the garb's buckles, she reigned victorious before the demonic face of outerwear. Grabbing a brush off her bedside table, she began to brush through her hair. Unable to do much else with it, she gathered it all to one side and tied it in a loose ponytail that rested on her shoulder. Tossing the brush back down, she left the room with haste.


	2. Birds of a feather

Taken by her thoughts, aloft in some airy recollection of a happier time. Rin thought on her trip with Solas to Crestwood. The thinness of the air around them, the way she allowed herself to be wholly engulfed by something; someone. The way he sat her down and took away the savage Vallaslin the Antivan Crows had mockingly marred her face with, they were "mysterious", "exotic", clients "always enjoyed intrigue". The way he made her feel like more than herself, more than a blade. She remembered the way she felt when she looked deeply into his eyes. She never thought such small eyes could hold every single star that lit up the night sky. Her breath hitched a bit, hopeless in her own swirling emotions. She remembered her last confrontation with him before she slew Corypheus. He told her to “Harden her heart”, to “put that pain to good use” and she felt her stomach turn in on itself, the waves of nausea she felt hearing those words from the man she loved. The words that mimicked the words once told to her by Master. He, who had made her forget so much of her awful past had resembled the culprits himself. She felt like throwing up, truly there would never be solace for her, she would never find rest , not in this lifetime, and she would just have to be content with that. 

 

 She remembers finding the strength to speak, searching desperately for the words to convey the torrent of sickness and pain she felt in that moment. Judging by the tinge of sadness in his expression when he realized what he had said, or perhaps the look on her own face, she knew he had regretted those words. “The fault is my own-” he began, “No,” she interrupted, “the fault was mine, for thinking I would see a modicum of happiness from this cruel world” She remembered how she turned away and stormed out of the Rotunda like a stormcloud. Steady, strong; unrelenting. She remembered how she blood in her mouth tasted of iron; repulsive. She remembered visiting Leliana late that night, begging for a job, she had to get her mind out of whatever fantasy it was in, she had not forgotten what she was. The contract Leliana had, she intended to pass on, and was hesitant to give it to The Inquisitor, but she saw the pain in Rin’s eyes. The silent need for this. 

 

The rearing cry of Lustinia, her ebony Hart, echoed throughout the quiet slumber of the fortress. With it, Rin stormed out of the gates.

 

“Inquisitor?” Cullen’s inquisitive voice lanced through Rin’s recollection, dragging her back into the present.

 

“You know better than to call me that” Rin hummed, looking intently at the war table, refocusing herself. 

 

“Apologies, force of habit. In any event, you know you can call on me if you ever need me, Lavellan.” Cullen smiled softly, he had been a stalwart ally and an irreplaceable friend throughout this whole ordeal.

 

“It has been an honor, Commander. No one finer could have lead our troops, and I’m ever in your debt. Same goes for you, if you ever are in need of me, I will be there. You may not always see me, but I will be there” Rin teased, for she was the blade in the back pocket of her friends, the sheathed dagger. Rin and Cullen grabbed each others forearms, a handshake amongst comrades. Cullen pulled her into a warm hug, taking her by surprise, but she allowed herself the moment to relax. “Try to stay out of trouble” he whispered into her ear, his breath was hot when it tickled her ear. He was always so selfless, so compassionate, so warm. “It has a habit of finding me, I’m afraid” She quietly whispered back, as if they were sharing the most confidential of secrets. “That’s an order” he hummed as they pulled apart. He couldn’t help but rustle her hair. “Sir yes sir” She teased and saluted. A grin spreading across his lips, he turned and left. Rin watched as the grand figure of The Lion of Ferelden shrunk as it drew further from the War room.  

 

Rin was no fool, she knew what The Inquisition was becoming. Too large, too much attention, and now with no immediate threat, all eyes were on them. It was an uncomfortable feeling to say the very least, especially for someone who lives in the shadows. She took the opportunity at Halamshiral to publicly disband The Inquisition, she refused to see it reduced to some corrupt husk of it’s former self, like the Seekers had. Though the fact of the matter was how bittersweet the whole situation was. She had made friends for a lifetime, people she would never forget, and yet, seeing them leave was heartbreaking. Even though it was for the better. She had no doubt they’d cross paths again, but until then, she felt lonely. 

 

The only ones left in the war room were Leliana, Rin and Zevran. Cullen was the last of the inner circle to leave.

 

“The halls feel so empty, don’t they?” Leliana asked, turning towards Rin apathetically. 

 

“Very much so.. When does Cas- ah, Divine Victoria need you back, Leli?” Rin asked as they all turned back to the table. 

 

“Very soon, I must take my leave in a minute” She sent a smile Rin’s way. “While I’m gone it will be up to you two to seek out our other allies, they too have scattered to the winds, but I have no doubt in either of your abilities. Just do try not to kill each other on the way”

 

“My dear, I am shocked and insulted you think I would try to kill our friend here.” Zevran noted while crossing his arms. “I know better than trying to kill one of the Talon-”

 

Rin’s eyes shot like daggers from the map to Zevran, _how did he know_. Who replied only by raising his hands up in front of him, meaning no harm by the comment.

 

“A Talon? Does Zevran speak the truth, Rin?” Leliana was taken back for a moment. Rin wondered herself how the detail had escaped even Leliana. Though she had gone to great lengths to hide her past, it helped that the crows expunged most, if not all, public records of her even existing. This fact caught Zevran by surprise as well.

 

“You mean you didn’t know?”

 

“Enough.” Rin demanded curtly. “Where am I to find these friends of Hawke? Should I start in Kirkwall?”

 

“I would recommend it, if they’ve returned to visit Varric, they’ll be there, which makes tracking them much easier. Or if they are not, Varric always has an idea where they are.” Leliana crossed her arms as she joined Rin’s eyes on the map. 

 

“We’ll set off now while there’s still daylight” Rin said, looking over to Zevran. 

 

“I had just started enjoying the simple pleasures of skyhold-”

 

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy the simple pleasures of the road just as much” Rin mocked. This gesture seemed to loosen the tension between the two that had been rising since the moment in her quarters.

 

“On the road with you, I’m sure they’ll be more than simple, no?” Zevran remarked coyly. Rin couldn’t lie, the man was forward. Incredibly forward, perhaps traveling with him wouldn’t be as bad as she thought. She would welcome any distraction from the gravity of their task at hand, hunt down Fen’harel. Another perk of publically disbanding the Inquisition is now Solas’ spies won’t have anywhere to hide within her ranks, that was another weight off of her shoulders.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Lustinia was saddled and Rin sat atop her, waiting by the gates. She sat straight in the saddle, tall. Even if she tried, she couldn’t shake the habits she acquired as the Inquisitor. It made her stand straighter, hold her chin higher. Despite how she wanted to run away, she would always try her best to look like something worth admiring, someone worth following. 

 

Zevran trotted up beside her, his horse an Amaranthine Charger, sleek ebony coat mirroring that of her own Hart. 

 

“Are you always so lost in thought?” he asked, looking over to her. 

 

“Only when there is much to think about” She added, pulling a thin black material that rested against her neck, over her mouth. 

 

“Quite the mysterious one, aren’t you.” His remark had a lofty air about it, everything he said sounded like such a tease. If anyone could play at this game, Rin could. 

She shot him a playful wink before kicking her heels into the sides of her Hart. With a gentle steer of the reins, Lustinia strutted out of the high metal gates for the last time. With each step, Rin felt herself become lighter, as if a great weight was being lifted off of her with each echoing  **_clop_ **

She couldn’t contain the deep sigh that escaped her lips. Finally, finally she could be herself without having some impossible standard to live up to.  Finally free of the mantle she bore for the last handful of years. Most of the journey was relatively silent between the two of them. Rin was lost in her own mind, as was per the usual. Zevran was the first to break the silence, he rode up next to her and matched her pacing.

 

“I’ve been meaning to apologize for this morning, I didn’t think I was really going to startle you. At least, not as bad as I did.” He looked at her profile, searching for any sign his words got through to her, piercing her deep thoughts.

 

“You didn’t scare me, you just- I just, would prefer not to talk about it” Her voice trailed off as she continued to stare at the path ahead of them. 

 

“The Crows have that affect on people, and have no doubt left their impression on you. I understand how you must be feeling. We are both dead men walking.”

 

“I thought I had shaken them, I returned home, only to be sent to the Conclave and thrown into all of this chaos, all of this spotlight. They had to have known the Inquisitor was their renegade Talon. They just had to. Perhaps they didn’t come for me at the time because they saw the Breach as a threat too. Perhaps they wanted me to finish my job here before cashing in on my head. I publically disband the Inquisition, and relinquish my title with that act. I then wake up to a Crow at my door, it was all too perfect, and I had played the scene out in my head countless times. What I would do if they came for me, would I let them? The blood on my hands that I cannot wash clean marks me for life, chains me to them. I was prepared to waltz into Antiva and let them take me.” The words came so easily from Rin, lyrically, throaty, as if she was just saying exactly what came into her mind as it came. This took Zevran by surprise, but he listened intently.

 

“So why did you fight back?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed. 

 

“Something compelled me to. My business is not finished here on this world. I cannot rightly walk off stage in the middle of the act, now can I” Rin finally turned to him, defiance in her eyes.

 

“Ah, just as fiery as I thought,” he began “you know when Leliana wrote me of the Inquisitor, the Herald of Blessed Andraste herself, I didn’t know what to expect, but you are truly something. Let me also add that Leliana’s words do your beauty no justice.” he purred

 

“Hold that silver tongue of yours” Rin remarked

 

“I’m only being honest” he continued “I’m surprised someone with a spirit like yours is a Crow, a Talon no less! You cannot blame me for being curious. How did they ever lose someone like you? How did you get away?”

 

Rin huffed, amused by the elf and his compliments. There was only one she had eyes for, but hearing such pleasantries didn’t hurt. “Just because you’re curious doesn’t mean I’m bound to answer” she added in.

 

“Perhaps being bound in other ways may interest you?” Rin gazed at him with a raised brow. This man was hilariously forward. As crows, yea sure, pleasures of the flesh were a light topic and casual daily occurrence, Maker, it was necessary for the job, but Zevran was a lot smoother than she would have originally believed. Maybe traveling with him wouldn’t be as bad as she had thought. Rin couldn’t help the shade of rose her cheeks turned at the comment, to think such childish comments. She adjusted the fabric against her face, trying to hide her embarrassment. 

 

Despite her efforts, Zevran noticed immediately and couldn’t stop himself from commenting on it.

 

“Talons blush? If the Crows could see us now”

 

“Don’t jest, I’f they do find us, i’m not the fight I once was” Rin remarked, stopping herself from looking down at her arm stub.

 

“What? Just because you’re an arm short?”

 

“No, because the sun’s in my eyes” She had a habit of deflecting a lot of things with humor. It wasn’t a healthy habit, not even a little, but it kept her sane. At that point, whos to say it’s unhealthy then? If the alternative is so much worse? Josie used to try to get her to sit down and talk things out with her, bring years of suppressed memories to the surface and come to terms with them. After many a failed attempt on Rin’s part, Josie had given up, and not from a lack of trying. Josie’s persistency brought a smile to Rin’s face as she thought about it, how she’d always stop by and bring her breakfast and try to use that window of time while Rin was half asleep and didn’t have her wits about her yet. When she turned to look at Zevran, she noticed he had already been gazing at her. Her smiled just as quickly as it had appeared. Most men would look away when a girl caught them staring. Not Zevran though, he continued to look. The man puzzled her to no end, she returned her sights on the road ahead. 

 

There was a stretch of silence between them. Rin wasn’t going to lie, she didn’t know what to talk to him about. Perhaps they could swap work stories?  _ Oh yeah, great idea, bond over the people you’ve killed. Well, I suppose there are worse things to bond over.  _ For lack of a better thing to do, Rin remained silent. The sound of Hart footsteps over dusty gravel droned on. Zevran started singing to pass the time.

 

It was an upbeat little tune that Rin was familiar with. It reminded her of Antiva. The song used to fill the alleyways and the ears of passerby. Her quarters used to be next to the tavern, and whatever song the bard’s chose to play, had filled her lofty hidy hole with music, happiness, escape. She couldn’t help but hum along.

 

“You know this song?” He asked, stopping his tune.

 

“It was played frequently at the tavern next door. Those days seem so long along, and much simpler. “ Rin played with the reins in her head, running her thumb across the worn leather. 

 

“Troubled, but simple” Zevran agreed, “It’s been a while since I’ve heard it myself. It reminds me of The Warden.”

 

“What was she like?” Rin couldn’t stop herself from asking, she was incredibly curious. Sure she’s heard the stories, who hasn’t heard the stories of The Hero of Fereldan and the 5th blight. The Warden was a hero, a legend, someone Rin had once aspired to be. It was the main reason she had left the crows, her inability to choose who and what she fought for. She was an instrument for the selfish goals of others, always was, and yet, when she finally found herself in the drivers seat, she had realized how wrong she was about wanting this job. Everyone looking to you for answers when none are to be found, everyone looking to you for guidance, leadership, salvation. In her hands held more than just her own life, it held the lives of everyone. Had she failed, so too would the world crumble. She wondered if The Warden ever faltered in the ways she had.

 

“Ah, the Warden. She was beauty, she was grace, she was power. A mage, unparalleled. Her eyes glittered like emeralds in a story, and she held herself high. I never thought I would’ve been wrapped up in such a presence. Even being near it was enough to overwhelm the senses.” He clicked his tongue. “I do not know who is responsible for sending beautiful women to champion humanity. The Maker, Andraste, whoever, all I know is it makes an assassin’s job hard, but it makes for some beautiful pieces of art.”

 

“Leliana said she was out West searching for a cure for The Calling.”

 

“She will find it, I am sure of that. She is too stubborn to take ‘no’ for an answer. Just as well.” 

He leaned in closer, “you remind me of her, a great deal” 

 

“That’s quite the pedistal. The Warden was a hero-”

 

“And the Inquisitor is what then, if not a hero?”

  
“An paragon, a concept, not a woman. It is a title that is sung throughout palace halls, and whispered upon the tongues of slaves. The Warden was a person, is a person. The Inquisitor is a ideal.”


	4. As it has me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living with your choices is harder than the choice itself

The sun was setting at their backs. Rin wasn’t going to lie, her thighs were dying. Being in a saddle for the majority of the day was horribly painful after a while. It was a strange kind of pain, somewhere in between numb and cramping. 

 

“We should make camp, it’s getting late” Zevran offered, much to Rin’s delight. Anything to get out of this saddle. There was a stream closeby on a plateau. He took the initiative to begin pitching the tent, Rin led the mounts to the stream and took off their bridles. She ran her fingers along Lustinia’s coat as she drank from the stream. Rin looked around the area, assessing it. It seemed completely secluded, nothing could be heard save the breathing of their mounts and distant bugs. Rin looked over at Zevran, who already had the tent pitched and was standing in front of it triumphantly. 

 

“Only one tent?” Rin asked 

 

“Will it be a problem? It gets cold out here at night, and many would jump at the chance to say they’ve slept with me” he winked

 

Rin chuckled and looked back at Lustinia, following her eyes as her hand ran across her neck.

 

“I’ll take the first watch” She offered. Elves have fantastic night vision, so building a fire is unnecessary, and it would draw unwanted attention anyway. 

 

“No, no, a Lady needs her rest” Zev held the tent flap open, inviting her in. 

 

Rin brushed passed him, entering the tent. He watched her pass. “The first watch is mine,” he said “unless of course, you wanted some company-”

 

She shut the tent flap briskly. Much to his amusement, a hushed laugh escaped his lips.

Silent, the air around her was thin. At this rate, they would be in Kirkwall in two days time. Which isn’t a bad pace at all. Rin began unbuckling her vest as deftly as she could with one hand. It slips off, leaving a leather outershirt beneath it. Pulling that over her head, she exposed the bandages that were wrapped around her torso. Carefully unwrapping the bandages, she allowed the large gash that traced her side to breathe. A going-away present from The Iron Bull. She cursed his name as the air stung the laceration. It wasn’t fresh, about 4 days old, but it had been a deep cut, one she probably would have died from if it weren't for divine intervention. It had to be, what did varric call it? “Divine bad luck”? She wasn’t even sure herself how she managed to survive even half the encounters she had. 

 

She began rewrapping the wound in a new bandage that had been soaked in some elfroot concoction the alchemist had given her. Stung like a sonofabitch though. She winced, but continued wrapping. After tying it off, she slipped under the fur blanket. Letting out a deep, relaxing sigh, her eyes fluttered closed. How foolish of her to relax out here on the road, she thought. For some odd reason, she felt at ease with Zevran there. Perhaps “at ease” was a poor choice of words, but she was far too tired to find the correct words to describe him. He was different from the other Crows, he wasn’t so broody and mysterious. He seemed to full of hope, full of life. He was a man who took his pleasure where he could get them and relished every second of them, for he knew not when he would get the chance again. He, too, reminded her of someone, someone from a long forgotten time.

 

With the sound of Zevran’s singing to lull her, Rin drifted into sleep.

 

Rin gazed lovingly at the man before her. His long raven hair streamed into her own, his features were highlighted only be the low, roaring flames in the fireplace. She ran her thumb back and forth against his bare chest, taking in the reality of him beneath her. In an effort to reassure herself that he was, in fact there. She studied his profile, the bridge of his nose, to the curve of his lip, down to the chisel of his jaw. Her breath hitched as she thought about what would come next, what she would have to do. She nuzzled her head against his chest, her deep sigh stirring his slumber. He adjusted the arm that was resting on her side, raising it to her shoulder. His amber eyes fluttering open as he planted a swift kiss on her head. 

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you” she whispered

 

“There are worse fates than waking to you. I wish it could always be like this”

 

“Why wish it? Let’s leave, let’s leave tonight!” Rin lifted her head up, searching his face for an answer.

 

“You know we cannot do that” He ran his fingers through her hair, gently pulling apart the tangles that had accumulated.

 

“Why not? We could leave all of this behind. The sea air, the Crows, the craziness that is this life. We could be together.” Her voice trembled with each word, she was practically pleading. “Arlin, please”

 

He sat up, lightly nudging her off of him. She watch him as he rose from the bed, leaving her alone in the warmth that was quickly fleeting.

 

“They would never leave us alone, you know that. We will never be safe.” His bare ass shining in the moonlight. “They would see us dead before they see us renegades.”

 

He was right, and it pained her more than words could express. She curled up, burying her chin in her knees. 

 

“There is no chance for us outside of these walls, and I, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that my selfishness is what brought our deaths. I can’t see them take you, I’ll die before I see them take you away from me. There is no life for us, but there can be one for you.”

 

“What are you saying?” Rin looked at his glassy eyes curiously.

 

“I’m saying that I know I’m your Talon contract.”

 

Rin’s expression turned grim. “I cannot do it… I can’t-”

The tears poured from her eyes as if Arlin had released the floodgates. Her vision blurred immediately as she tried to blink away the tears, a futile effort, for those she blinked away were quickly replaced. 

 

“I knew the risk, and yet, even knowing the consequences, I couldn’t stay away from you.” He walked back towards the bed, holding eye contact as he climbed back on top of her. He looked down at her beneath him. Her mass of freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose, freckles that could rival the stars in the night sky. He traced the moc dragon vallaslin the crows had branded into her flesh. They mocked their heritage, their culture in an attempt to humiliate them, and yet, she was still beautiful. Marked as a beast, raised as a killer, and yet, there she was, small and delicate, sobbing under him. “Had I been the better assassin, I would have been in your position. Now I am marked for death.” 

She couldn’t bare to look him in his gorgeous eyes any longer, she felt ashamed, embarrassed. She had been raised to feel no emotion, no remorse, know no true affection. She had allowed herself to fall for this man, and because of her actions she would have to kill him. His blood would be on her hands, his blood as well as the blood of countless others, all adding to the lake she felt herself drowning in.  

 

He pulled her up with him, them sitting in each others arms. He wiped tears away from her swollen eyes, “I don’t regret a moment of it, not a single damn second” his breathy whispers were meant to be comforting, but instead amplified the gravity of the situation at hand. He hugged her tight, close, their whispers tickling each others ears, hot breath pressing against sweaty hair.

 

“I..I love you” Rin managed to choke out. 

 

“Rin, you are my entire heart, and I would die a thousand deaths until I find the world in which we can be together.”

 

“I.. I can’t” her voice was hoarse, choking back tears.

 

“They will kill you if you don’t” He slid a free hand under her pillow, retrieving the gilded dagger the Crows had given to her to complete her mission. He gently slipped it into her lithe, calloused hands. 

 

“I don’t want this, I never wanted any of this” she grasped at his hair tightly.

 

“If my death means your chance at freedom, I walk to it gladly” his gentle pets continued as he purred into her ear.  “Not many get to say they’ve been killed by such a beautiful creature, I will be the talk of the town in Uthenera.” Rin pulled away, getting a last look of his face. His grimacing face, his dumb fucking beautiful face that she loved more than life itself. He made jokes even now. The world was cruel. His smile was beautifully radiant, and she knew she wouldn’t see a thing like it again, in all her days. His warm lips crashed into her own, the lone dagger rose behind his back. Trembling, streaming tears, hitched breath and then, nothing. She had done it. Rin caught his collapsing body. The finality of the action, how so much could change within the span of a single gasp.

 

“Do try to be a good girl without me” His faint voice trailed off, with his last breath he gently caressed her moist cheek. Rin pressed his hand further into her face, planting a sweet kiss in his palm. The fireplace crackling, the sweat on his brow, the air filled with the smell of iron; it all felt so real. As she looked into his fading flickers of amber, he began to melt into a burning black ooze. She looked on in horror, but couldn’t pull herself away from him. The shadowy ooze seared her skin as the landscape around her warped from her Antivan bedroom to a foggy domain that resembled the Crossroads. It hadn’t looked beautiful, like it had during the Exalted Council. Instead it looked dank, gloomy, a thick fog rolling it. It reminded her of the first time Morrigan had taken her. As she looked around, people began appearing, forms wearing haunted guises, the harrowing expression they had on their face when they realized Rin rode the pale horse, signifying their final moments drew near. Each face she remembered, as if a piece of that person had always stayed with her. Each person adding to the iron plates she armored her heart in, each face, the rivets, each cry, the  **_chnng_ ** in which the emotions bounced off her hardened heart.

As Arlin continued to melt in her lap, each neck seemed to slit in unison, the thick black ooze in place of blood running down their chests. 

 

A figure in the distance, too far for Rin to have even noticed, was different than the others. He didn’t look like a haunting puppet, instead he stood tall, hands clasped behind her back as he just looked on.

 

Like Arlin, the people began melting into pools of darkness. Rin’s head jolted around, looking at the faces of all the people she had drew the last breath from. As some melted, others sprung to take their place, the scene becoming unbelievable crowded. She had absolute terror in her eyes, scared, lonely. All at once, the melting halted completely. Rin looked up at the figure before her. A woman an old, wrinkled woman, with hair as white as snow. She hadn’t realized, but she had been sinking into the ooze around her. Sweaty strands of hair sticking around her face, her eyes glazed over. She felt heavy, tired. 

 

“Poor child, my poor, delusional child.” Her voice was raspy, harsh, disapproving. 

 

“Flemeth?” Rin’s voice was hushed, barely audible. Her throat felt dry as if she had been wandering the western approach. Each syllable scraping the sides of her larynx. 

 

“Mythal. I come to you in a form you would recognize.” Her voice boomed, Rin wanted to run from it. She probably would have tried had she not been sinking into the abyss. “Life has been cruel to you, as it has been to me. You were taken from your home, denied a life, denied happiness, denied solace. Life has betrayed you, as it has me. Let us bring our wrongdoers to justice, together.”

 

“There is no atonement for me, I made my choices myself.” Rin hung her head, sinking further down, she had killed all those people. Those women, those men, those children. Status meant nothing, race meant nothing, age was but a number. She tore down all who were put in her path. The loss of Arlin had sent her spiraling, she felt no remorse, no emotion, no regret. She felt bereft of anything she was before. Happiness was meant for the rich, who could spend their lives drowning in poetry and courtship. Happiness was meant for those who found beauty around them. Happiness was not for Rin, who’s life was for others. She had never lived for herself, never looked at the sky and saw a world that was hers for the taking.

 

“No, you didn’t choose to be sold into slavery, you didn’t choose to become an assassin. You didn’t choose to become Inquisitor either, your hand was forced. Your hand was forced at every choice. You are not to blame for any of it. Let me help you, they took your life from you. Now Solas threatens to take the rest away from you-”

 

“Perhaps I should let him, there is nothing for me left in this world.” She sank further beneath the ooze, up to her waist now. She seemed unphased, speaking in monotone. 

 

“There is hope, there is always hope, hope for justice to be served-”

 

“I am.. So very tired Mythal.. So very….. Tired” 

 

“Listen to me child, because it seems you require more than a gentle nudge. The monsterous people who sold you are out there, the disgusting men who claimed you, the affluent women who looked down their noses, and you took joy in killing them. You loved seeing their expressions as they writhed beneath your blade. You knew they got what they deserved. Now the people who put you through all this pain are out there, living, enjoying life, Solas is out there living as if he didn’t breath life into you just to kill you himself, and here you are. Disfigured, forgotten.” The words stung Rin, as if each syllable was a lash across her body. She looked up into Mythal’s eyes. The woman kneeled down to her eye level. She placed a firm grasp around the back of her neck. “The world took everything from you, then asked you to save it.”

 

 

Rin’s eyes flared with anger at the statement. Mythal was right, she was entirely right with everything. No one had understood her until this moment in time, she was a fool for chasing happiness, she was a fool for thinking thats what life owed her. It owed her nothing, when it called on her to save it, she did, and afterwards she was discarded once again. The world, like it’s inhabitants, is selfish. She knew that, and she was presented with the option to make it a better place. She would never know solace anyway, why shouldn’t she join Mythal? They could better the world, everyone would be better off if slavers and the ilk they spawn were eradicated. The men who ran the brothels, the slavers, both capturers and traders, the multitudes who had oppressed her race for hundreds of years, she could kill them all. 

 

Mythal saw the flicker of newfound fire beneath Rin’s eyes. Almost as if divine fire had filled her body, replacing her blood. Rin opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Mythal turned in the direction of the mysterious figure of a man, once her eyes laid on him, she disappeared. 

Rin had been preoccupied in her thoughts and hadn’t realized how far she had been sinking. Something had been pulling her down, something wrapped around her ankle that refused to let her go. She put all her strength in her arm, pulling it from the darkness. Soon realizing the effort was in vain, the muck extended far and wide, she had nothing to grab onto had she wanted to. 

 

She looked over in the direction Mythal had been looking, a figure in the distance running towards her. She watched as his form was replaced by a monstrous wolf, large and bloodthirsty. The sight scared her, and she sunk further still. Her head had gone under, her vision replaced with darkness. She shut her eyes, darkness before her, darkness around her. She felt herself choking, drowning. She could have sworn she felt someone's hand on her own before she felt a sharp tug on her ankle, rapidly pulling her completely under. She felt alone, cold. Curiosity begged her to open her eyes once more. When she did, she was overcome with a feeling of peace, a flaming blue aura floating in front of her. Gazing on it allowed a wave of serenity to crash over her, she felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her chest. She could breathe. The voices of the Well seemed to call to her from this orb, she reached out to it.

 

Rin jolted up in bed, beads of sweat dripping from her forehead. Her breaths quick and shallow, Zevran kneeling beside her with worry in his eyes. She took a minute to catch her breath before she felt his cold, calloused fingers brush against her shoulder. 

  
“It was a dream, you’re okay”


	5. Chapter 5

Rin tried to catch her breath. She raised her hand to her head, trying to rub away the confusion and surmounting migraine. Had that actually been Mythal? Or was it only a dream? Things became so hard to piece together since she had drank from the Well, since Solas showed her how dreams could be altered with the help of the fade. Her mind was constantly reeling, constantly acting against her in every way it could. Now she sat there, sweating, tired, the slash on her side burning like fire. She couldn’t decipher what was real, and what was fiction, what was a sign, and what was just another distant hope. The room was spinning, and she felt herself sick. 

 

“Are you okay, my friend?” Zevran asked, searching her face. She looked like she had a fever, clamy, sweaty, was the nightmare that bad?

 

“I’m … fine” she managed to mutter, throat still feeling like a desert. Had that carried over from her dream? How real was it? “I’m fine” she repeated in an effort to reassure herself. Zevran could tell something wasn’t alright. He thought for a moment before speaking, he too knew what it was like to be haunted in his dreams. He also knew what it was like to not want to talk about it. Rin sat there silently, breaths slowing, just trying to calm herself down. He studied her movements, the rise and fall of her chest, the flicker behind her eyes, they way her lips parted slightly. 

 

“If you are alright, I should get back to-”

 

“I’m awake now, I’ll pick up the watch.” Rin grabbed the linen tunic that was thrown to the side. She pulled it over her head, not bothering to fasten any of the ties. She hurriedly stumbled out of the tent, leaving Zevran there in stunned silence. 

 

The air outside was cold, crisp, and left raised bumps on her skin. The forest was devoid of any human connection besides her own, the only sound was that of owls asking their perpetual questions. The cold ground felt welcoming against her bare feet, she always felt more centered when she could feel the earth. She stumbled to her knees. The voices of the Well had returned, in full force. Where she once heard muffled whispers, she now her booming commands. Voices speaking over one another, some in agreement, others arguing amongst themselves. It was deafening, maddening. Rin threw her arms over her ears instinctively, though only one reached its destination. How could this be happening, now of all times. It was just a dream, wasn’t it?

 

A gasp escaped her lips as she felt a shooting pain behind her eyes. A faint blue hue trying to envelop them before dissipating, again and again, sparking in and out of reality. 

 

Truly, had she met with Mythal? Had Mythal come to Rin in an attempt to convert her? Better yet, was she still trying to right this moment? In her dream something, no, someone had scared Mythal off. Now though, there was nothing stopping Mythal for claiming her. Rin had been so close to officiating her contract with the Evanuris, there was no way Mythal would let the sudden slight slide. She had been ready to offer herself, to join the betrayed God, what had stopped her this moment? What made her resist? She didn’t know, but what she did know is that the voices only grew increasingly impatient with her. 

 

She managed to stagger back to her feet, a few slow, paced steps continued. Rin’s hand moved from her ear to her forehead, squeezing her temples between her thumb and middle finger. She settled her back against the thick, cold bark of a tree. The voices suddenly stopped, all at once, complete silence wracked her mind. A stunningly peaceful silence, a long sigh escaping her cracked lips. Fauna parted before her, revealing a tall man standing before her. A jade hood covering his face.

 

“Da’len, come with me. Fen’harel demands you brought to him at once”

 

The voice was familiar, it was a voice she only heard when these cursed voices were joined with her to begin with. Abelas.

 

“Get away from me” Rin hissed while peeling herself away from the tree.

 

“I do not want to fight you, The Master was very specific about you being unharmed.”

  
  


“What can you do to me that hasn’t been done already? Leave me now before you force my hand.”

 

“You mean.. That hand? The only one you’ve got?”

 

Abelas wouldn’t falter, but he could see it in her eyes, the fire; the defiance. The kind of expression you would only find on a cornered beast, anger to cover it’s own fear.

 

“You’re being foolish, just come with us, Rin. You are in danger here.” He took a couple of steps forward, towards her. His arms kept neaty behind his back as a few more hooded elves emerged from the brush. The voice of Mythal echoed through her mind, “ _ The world took everything from you, then asked you to save her _ ”. Mythal was right, and together they could accomplish great things.

 

“I said get away!” Rin cried, eyes glowing a blinding hue of blue. When she swiped her arm, a pulse of energy extended outward, knocking the Elves off their feet. Rin exclaimed in pain as she fell to her knees herself. A pulsing ring of blue enveloped her entire face as her missing arm began to reform. Pieces, like paper, floating into place before stitching themselves together. The pain was excruciating, more so than the Anchor tearing her apart. She doubled over, holding her regenerating arm.  **_You do our people proud, and we will see Justice served and glory restored._ **

 

Rin stood up. Straight, tall, proud. She looked at her regenerated arm, turning it in the air before her. Making sure it was real. She wiggled each finger before allowing the hand to rest in a fist by her side. 

Abelas looked upon Rin’s form with shock, her glowing orbs staring down at him.

 

“You will not judge me, I am justice itself. This world will live on and I will see to it personally. Now go, tell Fen’Harel that Rin died in the Elven Ruins some time ago” Rin pulled her hands behind her, rubbing her new hand with the old one. Still making sure it had been real. 

 

“He knows you live, are you telling me to lie to him?” Abelas was in shock, had he just seen Mythal possess Rin right before his very eyes.

 

“The woman he knew has been gone, he saw to that himself.” Rin turned away from the ancient elves who kneeled before her in disbelief. “He traded the certainty of her for the chance to repeat the past.” the smokey blue of her eyes faded away completely as she walked away from the men.

“Now go, run along, while I still have patience for trespassers.”

 

The Elven scouts were the first to leave, Rin hearing the rattle of the leaves as they disappeared.

 

“Fen’Harel ma halam” Abelas remarked, standing his ground for a moment longer.

 

“ Ma banal las halamshir var vhen, Fen’Harel Lathbora viran.” Rin answered in return.

 

“Tel’abelas”

 

“I know, now go”

 

Rin heard Abelas leave before she walked back to the tent where Zevran slept. She could not explain how she felt, it was different, no doubt. It felt as if she felt heavy, like she was actually sharing space with someone else. She found her thoughts more easily making their way to the surface, as if she had lived holding herself back. Now nothing held her down, she was unbridled now, and will be in all respects. A soothing voice in the back of her mind guiding her. Together, they would be avenged.


End file.
